Pre-verbal children are easily frustrated when they can’t get you to understand their needs. Toddlers especially have more ideas than words to describe them. They usually resort to the very effective communication strategy of crying and screaming. It’s hard to stay calm and be mindful amid this chaos.

This is where the phrase, “SHOW ME” comes in handy: “SHOW ME what you are hungry for.” “SHOW ME where your arm hurts.” You are simultaneously acknowledging that they are trying to make their needs known, and placing that challenge back on their plate. It’s sooooo easy to do things for our child. Easier for us, easier for them—in the short run. In the long run, we want them to communicate calmly and effectively. This cannot be done with the primitive brain. Ideally, SHOW ME will teach them to calm down, and center themselves. To be in mindful mode.

SHOW ME is also helpful as children get a bit older. Instead of “Do you have homework tonight?” try “SHOW ME what you have to work on tonight for school.” The first method allows your child to give a one word response, which is often NO. Where do you go from here? (Hint: to a power struggle if you insist on them proving it.)

SHOW ME is actually a command. This is best done in a mindful state, in order for it to be a gentle command—one that doesn’t put a child on the defense. The closer to puberty, the touchier they get, and the quicker they shut down. Best to create the SHOW ME habit from an early age.

Note: you may have to limit some choices. If “SHOW ME what you want to eat” leads to cookies, that puts you in a bind. An easier way would be to set two or three acceptable choices on the table, then ask them to show you. Same with clothes. If SHOW ME leads to their swim suit in winter, for goodness sake, hide the swim suit. And anything else that is a NO in your book.